Text: Mark 10:2-16
Beloved
in Christ, oh, my! We have to talk about marriage, divorce, sex, and all that.
Couldn’t we have a root canal instead? Anyone with half a brain knows that
these are topics where the old-fashioned views of the church run completely
counter to the way that our society thinks. Maybe we do believe in the
old-fashioned ways, but we may find it uncomfortable to talk about our beliefs
because we know how out of whack we are with the majority of people in this
country and even with our loved ones. Or maybe we’re tired of hearing “No” all
the time and we are glad that the Sexual Revolution occurred so that we can go
and do our own thing. Or maybe we’re somewhere in between. We realize that our
world has become quite scuzzy and we don’t entirely approve, but we don’t want
to be complete prudes either. We want to give in just a little bit and
compromise with the world. So, no, we won’t pick up strangers at a bar—that
would be skanky—but maybe we could still do some things that an older
generation would have disapproved of, such as living together without being
married, as long as we are committed to each for a time.
Even
in traditional circles, marriage and sex are a mess. No one can feel quite
comfortable that their lives and our Lord’s words will line up. And so we wish
that the topic would just be swept underneath the rug. But the truth of the
matter is that Jesus was asked about it and He talked about it—and so we have
to, as well, at least if we are covering all the topics important to our Lord.
Now I acknowledge that the Christian message is about something more than sex
and marriage. That is why most of my sermons are about other topics.
Nonetheless, the Christian message does have something to say about sex and
marriage, and we do well to listen to it. Furthermore, we do so as God’s
beloved children whom He has redeemed through Christ Jesus. Even when we are
reminded of our sins in this area, we still hear our Lord’s words, for He is
our Savior. And so, come like the little children who were brought to Jesus to be held in His arms. Let Him embrace you even as He tells you about this difficult topic.
I
would like to do three things in this sermon. First, I would like to look at
what Jesus has to say about marriage and where He gets His ideas on that topic.
Next I would like to look at the practical reasons for this law. And finally I
would like to show how this commandment relates to the gospel, the good news of the forgiveness of our sins.
So
what does Jesus have to say about marriage and where does He get His ideas? You
have to acknowledge that our Lord is quite traditional on this matter. Some
people like to portray Jesus as being very loosey-goosy with the law and that
it was only later Christians who formulated rigid rules. But that view doesn’t
hold up to scrutiny, at least not on matters of sex and marriage. In His day
Jews were divided over to what extent divorce was permitted. Some argued for a
no-fault divorce; they believed that any reason was a good enough reason for
the divorce to occur. Others took the same line as Jesus: divorce was permitted
only when something like adultery had negated the marriage vows. They
acknowledged that Moses permitted divorce if a man found a fault with a woman,
but they understood the “fault” to refer to something like adultery.
But
where does Jesus get His ideas? He goes back to the Scriptures. He starts with
the Books of Moses, as did His opponents. But His opponents looked only at the
civil law given to Israel. And that was the wrong place to start. You see, the
civil law always deals with people as they are, while trying to bring a degree
of order into the midst of chaos. God knew that if there were no divorce, wives
would either be murdered by their husbands or would be unceremoniously dumped
and forced to fend for themselves. It was better that civil society allow for a
woman to be divorced legally so that she could get remarried. It wasn’t ideal,
but it was better than the alternatives. But Christians don’t get their
morality from the civil law, but from the eternal, unchanging moral law. We
don’t ask, “Is it legal?” but rather, “Is it moral?” The state can pass all
sorts of laws it wants, permitting all sorts of bad behaviors, but that doesn’t
mean Christians will do those evil deeds.
Instead,
we go back to the very moral foundations that God laid. Before God commands
anything, He first gives us a good gift. The commandments are simply an
explanation about how to use that gift. God first created a physical world with
stunning beauty and immense natural resources. And then He said such things as
“Have dominion over it, that is, be a steward of it” and “Don’t steal, that is,
don’t take for yourselves a portion of creation that you have no right to
manage.” The same thing happens with marriage. God first of all created human
beings to be male and female. He did this so that human beings would not be
alone and also so that they could partake in His blessing of being fruitful and
multiplying. Eve was taken out of Adam. The two of them were meant to be that
close to each other. Therefore, it would have been entirely inappropriate for
Adam to dump Eve or vice versa, for they were one flesh. And even though men do
not marry a woman taken out of their ribs anymore, the same principle still
holds true: in marriage we are given someone as dear to us as our own flesh and
blood.
So
that is what Jesus teaches and where He got that idea. But God’s law is always
practical. There are always good reasons for anything that God commands, even
when it seems not to be the case at first glance. We expect there to be good
reasons why God wants sexual intercourse to be confined to marriage, and
married couples to be faithful to each other and not to divorce except for the
gravest of reasons. You could state the matter quite simply by saying God wants
families to be stable households. This is especially for the sake of children.
After all, whenever there is sex, there is always the possibility of children
being born as a result. Children need a mom and a dad, living in the household
and interacting daily with them. Yes, there may be other men and women in the
children’s lives, but there is nothing like having a mom and a dad doing the
intense parenting work. You need a mom who can kiss the boo-boo when you fall
down and scrape your knee. And you need a dad who will tell you, “Walk it off!”
You need that mixture of compassion and motivation.
Children
need to know that mom and dad are going to be there throughout their lives. We
see how children are traumatized when they see one of their parents walking out
of the family and ignoring them. Even grownups can be disheartened to see their
parents split up. But it is not just the children who benefit from this
marriage arrangement. So too do the adults. They have to learn from each other
how to get along with someone who is completely different from them. Yes, they
may have their differences of opinion, but they need to learn how to argue
through them. And, yes, part of the blessing is that marriage forces a man and
a woman to come to some means of living together, despite the fact that men and
women by their very natures have very different outlooks on life. Two guys may
disagree, but still they tend to look at the world in the same way, overall; the
same is the case with two women. But in marriage a man and a woman have to take
those two very different approaches to life and bring them together to form one
family.
Stable
marriages help not only the adults and children, but society as a whole. As we
have encouraged divorce and discouraged marriage, as we have promoted
pornography and hookups instead of real and lasting relationships, our society has
become lonelier and coarser. But where families flourish, so too does society.
Now
you may point out to me that a large part of our congregation is unmarried,
including a goodly number who have never married. How does this commandment
apply to us? First, we should understand that we are no less loved by God or
others, simply because we are unmarried. God has simply not called us to the
sort of responsibilities that family life entails. Instead we are given another
sort of vocation to follow. But as we pursue our calling as singles, we should
not do anything that will undermine the family. That means we cannot have sex
outside of marriage, or else we will diminish its importance in marriage.
Instead, just as married people have a lot of hard work to do as spouse and
parent, so single people have a lot of hard work to do in living a chaste and
godly life.
Now
so far I have explained the rules and the practical reasons for them. But there
is more. The Christian life is all about the forgiveness of sins that Christ
has given us by his holy life, death, and resurrection. And He forgives our
sexual sins as well. They are not unpardonable sins, but rather sins for which
He died. As He forgives us, He invites us to see marriage and sexuality in
general as a way of experiencing and proclaiming the gospel. This is a point commonly
overlooked in our discussions. God didn’t just gives rules to make us feel bad.
Rather by living chaste and holy lives, whether in marriage or in being single,
we participate in the gospel.
In
marriage the man portrays Christ and the woman portrays the church. The love
between Christ and the church is eternal. That is why marriage is meant to last
a lifetime. God expects His people to be faithful to Him, just as He is toward
them. Thus, both husband and wife are to be faithful to each other in order to
proclaim the faithfulness of the love between Christ and the church. You can
see then why divorce and promiscuity are so anathema. They distort the gospel
and proclaim that God loves us and leaves us. And so the best thing husband and
wife can do is to receive their spouse’s love as part of the divine love
between God and His people—and then to love their spouse as a proclamation of
the gospel. Similarly, those who are unmarried can show a chaste love for
others. After all, Christ was all about serving us rather than be gratified by
us. In the same way, unmarried Christians show by their love for others that
they are not in it for the pleasure that could be given to them.
This
is indeed a holy and difficult calling. But our Lord points out that this is
part of being a Christian, and so we cannot neglect it. May we take to heart
our Lord’s instructions on marriage and sexuality and find in them not just
sage advice, but also the gospel lived out here on earth. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
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